Tag: burnout

The fading of blogging

2008-04-13 / spierzchala / 2 Comments

Through 2007, the number of posts I made per day/week/month decreased steadily. I know post new items 2-3 items a month, or less. After 2 years of steady entries, I just didn’t have anything to add to the conversation.

Having been an A-list groupie for this entire period, I lost touch with the self-perpetuating scene. A comment that I saw on Top Gear summed it up: Jeremy Clarkson had another chat show host on, and they both commented on how all British chat show hosts end up appearing on each others shows.

That’s how blogging began to feel to me. I began to step back.

I stepped back from true, active day-to-day management of GrabPERF.

I drifted, intellectually and emotionally.

I found the sharp edge of my humor, which had wandered off and gone hitchhiking through the British Isles disguised as Roger Daltrey for six months.

The last few weeks I have been asking myself if I want to go back to blogging, if I want to continue to produce the random ideas for the world to see.

The death of my grandmother a few weeks ago brought my world back into sharp focus. Who is going to see these stories, these tales? Who will be the keeper of my intellectual flame? What will people know of me when I fade away.

I will be trying to storm back. My brain is here.

I AM THOR, GOD OF THUNDER.

Ok…maybe that was delusional. But hang on for another wild ride.

The Joy and Stigma of Burnout

2006-12-07 / spierzchala / 4 Comments

Today, the sun is shining and I am working from home, so things don’t seems as bad.

The last few days have been interesting, as I have become more aware that the my work-related anger and dissatisfaction does not originate with the people at work, or the place I work, or the work itself, but from that beast that so many white-collar professionals suffer from: burnout.

Burnout is not sexy. In the US and Canada, it is seen as a sign of weakness, a lack of the American Work Ethic. NPR had a great discussion of burnout this week, and New York Magazine published a cover article on it this week.

Listening to NPR on Monday, there was a story of how the US armed forces are punishing soldiers who return from Iraq and are diagnosed with PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) [here]. The successful soldiers see the soldiers (what defines success for a soldier?) with PTSD as weaklings, people who should be punished, pushed out onto the streets, stripped of their American citizenship as cowards and traitors.

I do not claim that PTSD and work-related burnout are equal; my focus here is on the stigma that the US culture places on doing the job, regardless of what the job does to you.

You can do the job. Good. What kind of person are you?

I am a rebel. I do not fit the US success criteria. I don’t want a title. I don’t want a box on an org chart. I don’t want to have the biggest bank account. And I have no respect for people who worship at the temple of US success until they show me that they can do something that I respect.

Today. I wrote an email to my manager and VP stating that during my Christmas break this year, I will be completely unreachable for anything work-related.

Unreachable for EVERYTHING work-related.

It is likely that I will be seen as “letting the team down”, as it is not only end-of-quarter, but end-of-year.

You know what? I don’t care. I am more important than my job. If the company I work for now doesn’t recognize that, I will find a new company.

You know who the most successful people I know are? My friends who “dropped out” of the corporate world, moved to Maine, and are slaving, day and night, to get their under-funded winery project off the ground. While raising three kids. While renovating and repairing 200-year old farm buildings.

Success does not come from money, power, or a title. I comes from having the respect of the people around you. I comes from a desire to get up in the morning and do something that completes you, fills a void inside you.

Right now, when I get up, I step into a void.

Burnout. It’s here to stay.

A little close to home…

2005-08-17 / spierzchala / 2 Comments

In Lisa Haneberg’s article, I fall into the first category.

Lisa, this is not weird, but it is becoming increasingly common as the knowledge worker generation collides with the industrial management culture we still hold.

I want to do more. See more clients. Solve more problems.

When I am bored, my productivity decreases exponentially. When I am challenged and pushed, my productivity increases exponentially.

We want challenges, not obstacles.

That said, my resume is drifting around like a message in a bottle.

Creative Burnout and the Future

2004-12-29 / spierzchala / 1 Comment

NOTE: This was written in 2006. I achieved 1.5 of the 3 items.

I am working for a different company – 3 different companies counting acquisitions.
I am working in the Pacific Northwest, just not in one of the major cities
I am not living in Canada, but I can see it from my desk while I work.

Scott Berkun has an excellent essay on creative burnout.

For those of you who read this and may know me, this is a hard thing to accept. That I have gone so hatd at something for so long that it no longer excites me. Yes, there are elements of it that do motivate me, but the day-in, day-out work of taking apart companies’ Web performance data, answering the same questions, and hearing the same questions is no longer fun.

I used to live for this sort of thing. I would work from 06:00 – 00:00 because there were so many cool and interesting problems to solve. Now I heat those some questions and almost roll my eyes.

I have been immersed in this field for so long that I have lost a lot of my focus. But now I am asking questions that are the foundation of my life.

Where do I want to be in 5 years? Short Answer: Working in Canada, consulting and speaking to an international audience on trends in Web performance from a technical and process standpoint
Will I be working for the company I am working for now? Not likely.
Where will I be living? At minimum in one of the Pacific Northwest’s triad (Vancouver/Victoria, Seattle or Portland). Preferably near but not in Victoria, where I can easily get flights to my gigs.

I have been thinking about this a lot lately, and thinking how much better I would feel being closer to home. I accepted this move as a way to get out of one backward, dead-end job, but I often find myself questioning if it was a good move, or simply one of convenience.

Last night, I updated my resume/CV. Tomorrow, I will transfer it to Word, Text and PDF formats. Time to hit the pavement again.