Doc Searls, move over! Monster Mouth is on his way!

Some of you may know of this frightening shot of Doc Searls mouth.

Well, move over Doc! I just learned at the dentist this morning that my bridge has to come out, as the foundation teeth that hold it in place (it’s a permanent plate) are…well, failing is the polite way to say it.

I have had the bridge for 20 years, so this is is no surprise to me, and one of the reasons that I have avoided seeing a dentist for so long.

I also learned that it could cost up to $25,000 to have the cadillac of replacements.

Or $10,000 if I want a job that will have to be fixed in another 10 years.

Or $1,000 if I don’t mind feeling like my grandparents, putting my teeth in a glass by the bed every night.

Well, you guessed it: damn the self-image! I am going for the removable partial plate.

And how did I get into this mess in the first place? It’s simple: I ran a complex, real-time experiement that clearly demonstrated the force required to remove teeth. The components included:

• One bicycle
• One truck
• One asphalt roadway

In order to complete the experiment, the bicycle had to precisely clip the bumper of the truck. This was difficult to perform, as the bicycle was moving at high speed and the truck (which would not be able to see the bicycle until the last minute) had to swerve very precisely in front of the bicycle…and rider.

The MythBusters would have been proud.

So, unlike many Canadian men (and women), I lost my teeth in a cycling accident, not as a result of an on-ice altercation or an attempt to be Gump Worsley.

So, if you meet me in the future, ask me to pop out my teeth.

I might just do it.

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